I used to blog religiously...until one day a "follower" said she could no longer follow me because her life was hard enough and I was just too...down...or something like that, for her at this point in her life.  Now mind you, I have a bent for art (though I am not the best at it) and she was an artist whose work I much admire.  So much so that I even have a piece of her work on my wall to this day.  Do I need tell you how much this hurt my heart, my soul?  I do not think I've blogged in quite a few years now due to this one incident.  I have a need to purge my heart and my head at times and having done some research, been told a thing or two about myself, I have decided that maybe I am normal to some, not to others.  I am normal to me.  I need to put my thoughts into the world with the minutest hope that some day, somehow, some way...it will matter to someone.  That maybe it will even help someone.

First things first.  What is an HSP, or "highly sensitive person?"  Below are a couple of links that you may find useful and probably what I will refer to in the meanderings of my mind.

Psychology Tody HSP Article

The Highly Sensitive Person

So I will filet myself here.  In the first article, there are 24 traits of a highly sensitive person listed.  In Category 1 are listed 8 (please note that every one is taken from the Psychology Today article and full credit is given to that article/author).

•     Often has difficult letting go of negative thoughts and emotions.
•     Frequently feels physical symptoms (such as stress or headache) when something unpleasant happens during the day.
•     Often has bad days that affect eating or sleeping habits in an unhealthy way, such as eating or sleeping too much or too little.
•     Often experiences tension or anxiety.
•     Tends to beat oneself up when falling short of own expectations (and might I add when falling short of the expectations of others?).
•     Is afraid of rejection, even in relatively minor situations.
•     Compares yourself with others and experiences unhappy feelings from negative comparisons.
•     Often feels anger or resentment about situations in life which seem unjust, aggravating, or annoying.

Category 2 lists the following:

•     Often thinks or worries about what others are thinking.
•     Tends to take things personally.
•     Finds it difficult to let things go.
•     Feels hurt easily.
•     Often hides negative feelings, believing they are too strong, turbulent, embarrassing, or vulnerable to share.  Keeps a lot of negative emotions inside.
•     Alternatively, often discusses negative emotions with others because there is a lot of drama in one's life.
•     Has a hard time accepting critical feedback, even when it is given reasonably and constructively.
•     Often feels like people are judgmental, even when there is no strong evidence.
•     Often overreacts to real or perceived slights and provocations.
•     Often feels awkward in group situations and feels unable to be oneself.
•     Feels self-conscious in romantically intimate situations; excessively worries about partner's approval; is unreasonably afraid of being judged or rejected by partner.

Lastly, Category 3 lists:

• Feels uncomfortable in large public crowds, in a room full of people talking, or when too many things are occurring simultaneously.
• Feels uncomfortable when exposed to bright lights, loud sounds, or certain strong scents.
• Startles easily at sudden noises, fast traffic, or other unpleasant surprises.
• Often feels upset when watching or reading negative news in the media. Dislikes “shock” entertainment (i.e. intensely scary or violent shows).
• Often feels unhappy when following people’s posts on social media.

While I personally do not feel that I overreact to real or perceived slights and provocations (I think my reactions are quite calm and reasonable, but then what do I know?), and I do not mind scary or violent shows (I was raised to think of these kinds of movies as just that, movies, and not necessarily real.  That said, the real life scary and violent does upset me intensely.), the rest hits the nail on the proverbial head.

So you would think with all these negative "traits" as listed in the article I'd be in full on hate myself mode.  After all, it rather makes one feel that they have nothing worthy or good in themselves if these "traits" are looked upon negatively.  I am 61 and here, in kind of a slightly larger nutshell, is what I think of me.

• I will help anyone I can help in any way.  I do not want to see anyone hurting.
• I am pretty intuitive and empathic.  I sense and/or feel the emotions of others and want to make them feel better in whatever way I can, even if the attempt is pathetic.
• I will hurt myself before I hurt another, in general.
• I am pretty darn bright, though emotional decisions over head decisions has cost me much and let's be honest...will probably continue to do so.

I am ok with me.  I am willing to hibernate inside of a mobile for the rest of my days and avoid the world (especially with the scary turn we have taken in this country with the latest election and no, no political discussion here; suffice it to say I am scared for all of us as a nation as we move forward).  I wish I had a mobile home!  LoL  Or a tiny house.  Or lots of money so I can quit working so all of the traits of an HSP don't hit me all at once.